I’ve felt for the past few weeks now, that my spiritual practice is slightly more selfish and internalized than they could be. This was most acutely felt (or rather not-felt) during this weeks Equinox. I had set aside some time to go outside, enjoy the spring-like weather, and welcome the greenery and Life that was appearing around our farm. ( The geese arrived again, six of them this year!) Yet, it felt a bit hollow and empty.
Oh sure, I’ve lit my candles, taken a few moments to admire and appreciate the budding life around me this spring, but there seems to be something missing. I’ve fallen out of practice with Faerie-Play (for lack of a better word, since Worship seems the wrong connotation, so I’ll say Play, with the same inflection as capital-L-Love is used sometimes) and an attempt to re-strike that relationship gave me a pretty stern chastisement from the Otherkin camp for falling out of practice to begin with. So, there’s one item on my to-do list this month.
Still, there’s another aspect of the Divine that I would like to re-connect to, and am not sure the best way to do so. I want to say hello again to the Gods/Goddesses out there, Bored or otherwise. Essentially, I would like to reaffirm a Path that includes something more discrete than “The Earth/Nature” (intentionally glossing over the depths of defining “Nature”).
I used to be very active in my Lutheran Church, and had a fairly solid understanding of God. I redefined my concept of that being, and added other names to “Who is God” as I grew older and more pagan-minded. Still, I’ve never gotten really comfortable with other pantheons in popular use among the Pagani. Celtic culture is really neat, but I don’t connect to Brigit or Lugh. Norse Asatru is intellectually intriguing, but I have even less of a bond with Thor or Loki other than lip-service. Likewise, the recent interest in Greek mythology (ala: Percy Jackson books) is fun reading, and scholarly, but I can not consider myself a student of Hellenismos.
I’ve done a bit of research with my family tree, which contains a fair chunk of ancestors deeply involved with PA Dutch Heathenism, and Hex-craft. Yet again, my dabblings into that practice seem a bit forced and rote, rather than passionate and rewarding.
So, here I am at a sort of crossroads. I’ve got my current Practice and Path, which includes drum-circles, and gardening, and a rather down-to-earth subtle appreciation of The World We Live In, but I am feeling called more and more in my meditaitons to look towards Someone/Something. The problem is I’m not sure who/what that is.
My question to the readership here is: Other than continued practice with a particular set of Deities, is there a generalized way of opening myself up to inspiration? As a (really bad) example, would I gather up an anhk and dagger, calling upon Ma’at or Nuit until something answers… or would I simply ask the spirits and Divine to enter in frith, and wait to see what particular name[s] pops into my head?
Of course, I already understand it’s a somewhat selfish question as well, wanting The Gods to start paying attention to Me… Still, I’m more curious if I could narrow down my list of options for Me to start paying more attention to Them.
How did you find your current Path?