Category Archives: Work

Patterns…

Well, this morning a combination of icey/slushy roads, inappropriately placed Deer, and my car interacting with them both, changed the daily plan & schedule quite suddenly.  Nothin bad, I was not going too fast, and missed the deer, but spun around between the guardrails with a complete face-lift for the car now.  No airbags, no injury, it was surreal slow-motion “spin, wheee, cruuuunch, spin,  wheee”  about 40 mph.  Still messed up the car and needed a tow.

I immediately called my former spouse and THEN called  the AAA service to arrange a pickup/tow/etc.   She came out with the sprog, and waited with me while a passing policeman helped setup a flare, and avoid any other cars coming around the corner and smacking my badly-placed vehicle.   That’s what we do.  We alert the significant other, and they help out.

However, after the initial shock wore off, we were talking and she mentioned the fact my car was mostly fine, I could have asked the Tow-truck driver for a lift, or otherwise walked the rest of the way to work  if it were a dire emergency.  There were other options, and I didn’t technically NEED her to pick me up at 5am.  I agree.

 I initially took it as grudging agreement, then pride-smacked irritation that she just didnt’ want to help?!?  But that passed almost immediately.   It was something else.   It was us both realizing that we fell into the same pattern we had as a married couple.   We aren’t married anymore (for all intents and purposes, until paperwork clears to make it official).  I don’t live there.  We talk daily, but are sorta seeing other people.  We are former spouses, and Friends, and awesome co-parents (this confuses soem people since we are friends and don’t fit the mold of angry exes)

The dynamic has to change, though.   This is a goodthing.   It’s opportunity for growth,  both for me to stand on my own feet and handle stuff myself, WITHOUT seeking approval from her.  It’s opportunity for her to have the space we both needed to make things work, and remain best friends.   But it’s funny how quick we popped back into that routine.  

Old habits die hard, they say.    I kinda agree.

It’s interesting to be able to see that though, without too much judgement, and springboard off the realization into New Routine.   It will take time, I’m sure.   Today was a good lesson.

(I just wish lessons weren’t so costly sometimes.  I just paid off the car last month,.  it’s mine now.  Dents included!     Wabi-sabi.)

Update:   granted, I like the fact that she came to help.  I’d do the same for her.   This post was more a reflection and “reminder” to myself for the navel-gazing that happened afterwards.   Helping friends out of a snowy ditch is good.  The pattern and initial gut-reaction was what was interesting and blog-worthy.   I still hold a torch for her, and for better or for worse, this is how I’m processing Divorce feelings.  🙂

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Filed under Healing, Uncategorized, Work

Social at home?

Update: re-editing since the original posting ate my words.  Darn you internet gremlins!  🙂  Here is it again, slightly re-worded but accurate enough for me to post on my work break again….

Today I’ve been musing about the spread of “social media” and similar internet-based services and games, which provide a lot of value in terms of keeping in contact with far distant people we may have never met in-person.

Combine that, with the opposing viewpoint of such “fake friendship” degrading the real face to face social value of knowing our neighbors and townsfolk.

I tend to fall on the positive side of the debate, and agree that the internet is a wonderful tool for social networking and communication.  Be it chat rooms, online games, or FaceBook, there are people I talk to on a relatively frequent basis that I would never know if not for my online presence.

Still, I do hold onto a little corner of my mind that wonders if the ease of internet friendship is just a little bit detrimental to the larger social scene.  Perhaps it keeps people just that little bit more selfish.

After all, on the internet, you can pick and choose your friends much more carefully, and align the interests of your friends “just-so” to match your own.  If someone angers you terribly, it is much easier to “unfriend” them and just stop interacting.  Distance and internet pseudo-anonymity make it easy to ignore the person. Especially if your preferred method of contacting them has an actual “ignore/privacy” setting.

In real life, if you don’t like the crazy old neighbor, it’s tough to “unfriend” him.   You may stop saying hello, but in real life there’s always a chance of interaction with the neighbor, barring such extreme measures as moving to a new house, or becoming an agoraphobic hermit.

My muse is, does this shift cause a slow degradation of our cultural acceptance and social skills?

I think I mused about this last year, too, but it’s on my mind again.    Does dealing with the weird and oft-times unfriendly neighbors provide people with a much broader “acceptance” outlook towards diversity, and the lack of such result in the continued undercurrent of xenophobia in many people’s outlooks?

Or is such thought reading too deep into things and merely “scapegoating” the technology from what may simply be a human-nature situation that would happen regardless, and Facebook, et al, is merely the most common outlet for those natures to manifest?

Hurm….

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Filed under Moon Muse, Questions, Work

The barn demolition project

…or:  Why I’ve been busy the past week, and plan to be busy for the next three….
Tearing down the roof of our barn, after this winter finally collapsed it.
First, some slide-show images of the back 20-acres taken from the roof of the barn, and the roof-in-progress.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcYXCkyJd_A

Then, a video shot from the front roadside, which gives a good overview of the project.   Lots of work to still do!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMDExCoiFKI

Enjoy!

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Filed under Outdoors, Work

Churchy rituals..

I have been attending services at our local UU church for just about two months now, and have even helped out in the kids program after showing an aptitude/interest for “kid friendliness” playing outside with my own son after the services. It’s a nice place!

However, the more I am studying up on UU principles, the more I fear that initial “Yay My Group!” feeling I had towards them is shifting to a sideways “eh, nice group” feeling.

It is nothing against the church. The services are varied and interesting, and welcoming of all manner of faiths. Over the weeks I’ve met a “hardcore wiccan” and a muslim from Pakistan who all meet up for community and fellowship each sunday. The coffee-chatter time is enlightening, as are the somewhat open-ended “sermons”. Yet, for myself, that openness does not fill the void I am finding in my spiritual practice.

I initially started ‘going to church’ again in order to help my son experience a faith-based community and education. In this regard, things are Great. For myself, the lack of steady ritual, beyond a simple candle-lighting, feels almost shallow. As if there is definitely spirit there, but not quite the Divine Spirit (capital S).

I am thinking the flow and content of the services is intentional, to allow for all faiths to pray as they see fit, and the vague wordings towards “Spirit” or “Higher Power” are well suited for personal perspective. Yet, in allowing all paths in, the road is over-broad and unrestrained.

I find I miss my old Lutheran services, or at least parts of them. The hymns, the processions, and the Pageantry of it all is distinctly lacking in the UU church (by design?). Yet it is what which drew me to serve as an assistant minister as a youth. I felt the power and draw of United Ritual, and knew it to be Godly.

Later, when my Path led be outside definitive Christianity, I simply changed the image of God in my head. I realized, deep down, I still held on to the appeal of Ritual.

Perhaps this is why I love drum-circles so much. While the rhythms and ‘songs’ are spontaneous, there is an almost standardized “flow” to them that seems ritualized, regardless of the participants. Likewise, some of my most powerful Spiritual Experiences have been during a more formalized ritual.

Going back to the topic of the UU church, I still get the sense that there are groups operating within the UU congregation/community, but have not integrated with them yet to feel welcome and invited. Almost every weekday, the church has something happening, yoga, Spiral Scouts, CUUPS, garden club, Bingo night, etc.

I still feel there is some potentized Spirit available within that church community, if I can shed my “visitor” feeling. However, the actual sunday services have gone from being spiritual meetings to Community meetings. This does not discredit them for what they are. It merely took me a few months to realize my own goals were slightly different than what I originally sought out by going to Church. 🙂

In summary, I’m discovering that I still need to find a “church” outside of “church”. 🙂

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Filed under Church, Healing, Questions, Work