Well, this morning a combination of icey/slushy roads, inappropriately placed Deer, and my car interacting with them both, changed the daily plan & schedule quite suddenly. Nothin bad, I was not going too fast, and missed the deer, but spun around between the guardrails with a complete face-lift for the car now. No airbags, no injury, it was surreal slow-motion “spin, wheee, cruuuunch, spin, wheee” about 40 mph. Still messed up the car and needed a tow.
I immediately called my former spouse and THEN called the AAA service to arrange a pickup/tow/etc. She came out with the sprog, and waited with me while a passing policeman helped setup a flare, and avoid any other cars coming around the corner and smacking my badly-placed vehicle. That’s what we do. We alert the significant other, and they help out.
However, after the initial shock wore off, we were talking and she mentioned the fact my car was mostly fine, I could have asked the Tow-truck driver for a lift, or otherwise walked the rest of the way to work if it were a dire emergency. There were other options, and I didn’t technically NEED her to pick me up at 5am. I agree.
I initially took it as grudging agreement, then pride-smacked irritation that she just didnt’ want to help?!? But that passed almost immediately. It was something else. It was us both realizing that we fell into the same pattern we had as a married couple. We aren’t married anymore (for all intents and purposes, until paperwork clears to make it official). I don’t live there. We talk daily, but are sorta seeing other people. We are former spouses, and Friends, and awesome co-parents (this confuses soem people since we are friends and don’t fit the mold of angry exes)
The dynamic has to change, though. This is a goodthing. It’s opportunity for growth, both for me to stand on my own feet and handle stuff myself, WITHOUT seeking approval from her. It’s opportunity for her to have the space we both needed to make things work, and remain best friends. But it’s funny how quick we popped back into that routine.
Old habits die hard, they say. I kinda agree.
It’s interesting to be able to see that though, without too much judgement, and springboard off the realization into New Routine. It will take time, I’m sure. Today was a good lesson.
(I just wish lessons weren’t so costly sometimes. I just paid off the car last month,. it’s mine now. Dents included! Wabi-sabi.)
Update: granted, I like the fact that she came to help. I’d do the same for her. This post was more a reflection and “reminder” to myself for the navel-gazing that happened afterwards. Helping friends out of a snowy ditch is good. The pattern and initial gut-reaction was what was interesting and blog-worthy. I still hold a torch for her, and for better or for worse, this is how I’m processing Divorce feelings. 🙂